Simple minded thoughts

Sorry. I really am.

2011-11-12T22:07:00.000-08:00

It feels as if I'm still back in square one.
No changes. Nothing.
What a waste. One and a half years, yet I'm still here.
God knows what I'd give just to turn back time and choose differently,
Maybe I would have treasured you from the start when I knew and not until that April.
Or maybe I should have let you slipped through my fingers, but then, there wouldn't be a story of us.
I should have spent more time with you, I should have protested.
Instead of always keeping quiet and letting you have as much freedom as I could give to you,
I should have been more clingly, I should have told you "I don't want you to go!"
Instead of pretending to be understanding, and okay with it.
I should have voiced out my feelings,
Instead of always pretending to be so carefree. Because in the end, it hurt others.
All I wanted was to cover the void that was growing larger.
I should have told you that sometimes I get hurt because of you,
Instead I use other means that'll make me feel like I wanted. I didn't want anyone to know how I truly felt. Especially you.
I should have known how much you were hurting, how much you've been struggling.
Instead of being there for you, I thought that she would be better for you than I can ever be for you.
Always putting you first, I tried my best to be someone you'd be proud of. And failed miserably.
I realized by always being "Okay" with everything, it would seem like I didn't care. But I do.
I realized by not voicing out, it would seem like I've got no opinions. But I do.
I realized by not expressing my feelings, it would seem like I've got no feelings for you. But I do.
I realized by never stopping you. It would seem like I couldn't be bothered. But I do.
I realized by giving you this much freedom, it would seem like I don't treasure you. But I do.
I realized by not being clingy, it would seem like you weren't important. But you are.
I realized that I was the worse, and that you were the best.
In the end of the day, I could'nt help but fall into am endless pit.
Everything was my fault.
I'm so stupid.
Everything seems like a lie now.
Everyone's disappearing.
The feeling of waking up in a dream.
You thought you woke up, only to find out that you're still in a dream, waking up again, yet it's still a dream.
I'm so pathetic. I couldn't give you what you needed.

Yet I still love you.

2011-01-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I've blogged. But well. It's been a few days since Brother Ian's birthday had past and since he's still not back yet. I guess I'll just say it here and Twitter. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I posted it on Twitter on the day itself. I guess I haven't even had any mood to post anything over here anymore. Brings too many painful memories back to life. But I'm trying to continue living. I'm still alive and breathing and I guess thats something. I've been using all this time to study. And i finally decided on what to study. Maybe? I might actually choose to study Law next year, That's if if my results are good enough. But I've found a school that offers a Diploma in Architecture, architecture was my childhood thing. And it's been going strong all these years and all of a sudden I just had an urge to study Law. School has been suffocating. And I really don't know what else I can do. I've learned the basics of playing pool last month. And I must say. It's really destressing. I haven't had much sleep too I guess. Just a couple of hours each day. And dance lessons resumes this Sunday. Another thing that has the ability to keep my mind off you. I've started to even touch and play a bit of the piano. Even though I don't practice much drumming anymore. The reason I even started to play it was so I had something. But it doesn't matter now anymore...

There's a lot of thing that are stucked in my throat.

Many things I wanted to say to you.

I'm so lost.

Have you forgotten me?
What are you doing now?
How have you been?
Have you been eating well?
Have you gotten over it?
I still cry like a little girl.
I can't help it.
Where are you?
I wished.
If only.
I miss you.
I love you.

2010-06-29T05:39:00.001-07:00

2010-06-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm back from England.
I'll upload pictures next time.
It's time to worry for end-term papers now... x.x

Rain.

2010-05-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

I wonder why I keep ending up here when I type 'blogger.com'.

' n '

Rainie was talking to me bout some caucasian/portugese/brazillian/hawaiian/mexican/Icantremember guy she saw on the newspaper and wanted to meet and got to meet in a hospital when he had a stroke.

Hmm... What a nice place to meet a nice person to be nice friends.

I'm quite lazy to post anything else, and since I'm not paid for this I think I'll flop away now~

- The one and only person who name starts with 'M' and thinks Hard Gay is one of the coolest guys (or gays, though he is not really one) in the universe -

HIGH

2010-05-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

Wanted to share this lil' extraordinary MV by 'Epik High'

Saw it once and hooked on it since. ' u ' I think its pretty meaningful, better than bizarre abstract bird people groping and rubbing each other. Blah. (Please refer to Miley Cyru's New music Video 'Can't Be Tamed')

Epik High 'RUN'

Do watch! Even though it may seem pretty dully-ish at first, with shots of the boy's mundane life's happening, its gets better at the end :} (He reads porno magazines at 1:36, PFFBT)
I love biography type videos like these, gives one a chance to see a person's life personally.

Yes, as Rainie Mccain has said, everyone is currently dying for exams, Well she has it better, no prelims for her. The sec 4s are pretty close to jumping out of the windows, the free falling way >_>

Ohkay, its time for me to do Research for my Drama Prelims.

Running Running Running Away~

- M -

2010-04-27T03:07:00.000-07:00

Thought maybe I should come here. To type something.
The mid-term papers are just in a few day's time. Been studying a lot.
Who hasn't? (:
I've recently started attending some classes too. to keep me busy. (:
I haven't watch television since God knows when.
I'm outdated like a turtle living in a shell.
I don't even know if there's like a crisis out there.
Recently everyone is going crazy over a new teacher.
Momo and a few others and I don't really think that he's that awesome...
I'm finding pictures to draw. Therefore I get to use the Internet.
My history teacher can't remember my name. Which is just plain amusing to me.
She calls me Faith. And gave a stupid explanation why, she keeps thinking that I look like a person with Faith as a name.
I've been trying to write a song about Life.
And inspiration just can't come.
Ryan finalized and sang "Dying Anthem" a song I wrote. Along with Sam. (:
I think they did it really well.
I struggling with Biology and Maths.
I saw two different boys, abusing the same cat on two different consecutive days.
I was so angry I could just kick them. But they were preschool to primary school of age.
...

I miss all of you. Yeah? (: It's been so long since we've last talk. I miss everyone I know in Switzerland. (: I miss Bobbi. (: I miss the Sempai's over here. (: I miss that Monkey in US of A. (Mdm Chan's words) (: I hope you guys are fine over the globe. (: I love you.

And thank you for those around me in school or like yeah. (: I love you too!!!

Bobbi, do take good care of yourself now. I'm not sure whether on not you're dued yet. But I'm sure you would be a great mother. Do watch out. Have many meals and rest well. Don't sleep late. Watch your health. Love you.

The only thing I can think of to say to you would be to tell you that I'm sorry. If I had said another thing. There might be a horrible consequence. I don't want that to happen.

And it's updated!
With the stars above,
Rainie.

2010-03-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

HAPPY WHITE DAY!

The day Sam came back. (Sam and Ryan)

Violet being an old lady. X.X
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grand Parents Birthday. (13-03-10)

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Pretty right? Taken outside my house.

Goldfish.

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During Chinese New Year.

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That's all folks!

Rain.

P.S. I listened to "Everything" once, last year. When you introduced it to me Yayoi Sempai. Here I am now, finding peace and feeling calm when I'm listening to it. Thanks Yayoi Sempai.

2010-02-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

I was thinking.

If we were not allowed to cry,

not allowed to breakdown,

not allowed to be depressed,

not allowed to mope,

not allowed to scream,

not allowed to fall down,

not allowed to do things that we want once in a while,

not allowed to look back,

not allowed to stop thinking for one second,

not allowed to stop moving forward,

be it being pushed, hauled or dragged.

It would have meant that our lives are empty, like we're being punished or something.

"I hit the nail spot on, right?"

Yes, she hit the nail, rather hard.

Her voice; her words.

Can't stop haunting me.

It's like being forced to sit on the table,

with everything laid on the platter,

and forced to look at it.

please don't.

what?

2010-02-18T06:08:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to say...

I'M GETTING A POLAROID!

YAY!

~MOMOTONE~

2010-02-17T06:46:00.000-08:00

Maybe some things are meant to be like that.

2010-02-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's rather sad how half my relatives can still celebrate the New Year. I started skipping the greetings on the third day. All the tears shed last year were forgotten? Red, my dear cousin. I'm so sorry. I knew how you felt about me last time, yet I still chose to ignore you. Even so, you never stopped doting me. All the times I must have hurt you. I should have realized where this was going. As I sat on the car, I remembered all the times you tried to love me. All those time I turned away from you, all those times you stayed up late just to entertain me, how you used to take care of me when I fell sick. Only till now, that I'm able to tell you how sorry I am. Only when things have change, that I noticed how much you've changed. I can't stand it. When I look at you now, I see things that is just not you. You've lost so much weight. Now when you are with me, you are always doing more homework. Somehow it seems that you are trying to drown all your saddness into keeping yourself busy. It's her. I know. The pain from losing her seems to be eating you from the inside. I don't know. Even we can see that you've changed from last year. I guess the pain of losing her is eating into your momma too. But I just want to say, that I'm sorry. Sorry for the times I've hurt you countlessly. The times when you did all that you can for me. And I'm sorry that I can't face you without blaming myself. I can never feel the same way for you.

As the past starts to catch up,

we start to drown.

And Kea, Happy Belated Valentine's. Je T'aime. And I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.

2010-02-15T05:49:00.000-08:00

Well, since I ditched Rainie on Saturday, here I am posting to make it up 8D

Rejoice Rainie! Hah! C:

~~Its certainly not because I typed blogger.com and ended up here AGAIN by some chance, no no, shhhhh~~

Anyways, I found this A.M.A.Z.I.N.G video I have to put here.
Its by this japanese guy who posts videos of really cool things and knick-knacks. He talks in english, japanese after that, but there are subs so don't worry ;>

DAMMIT I WISH I WAS THAT GUY. HOLDING THAT UBER CUTE AMAZON DANBO. AND GOING 'PIKA!PIKA!' at 0:50 of the video. O A 0 Wahhh the lucky bastard.

Though I would definately not go 'AMAAAAAZOOOOONNN' at the front. And not wear Kanye sunglasses. I rather wear Rihana ones. 'w'

PFFT watch till the end! The end is epic XD

bumba bee

2010-02-09T06:56:00.001-08:00

I wanted to log on to my blog...

BUT I ENDED UP HERE INSTEAD!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

Anyway, as a short, mini tribute to Rainie's previous post:

Took this like, last year while we were on the bus. 'w' Let this be a commemoration and a reminder ~

P.S Please leave a bowl of curry here the next time you visit.
Thanks! * w *

~momotone~

2010-02-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

Happy belated 10th month, Kea.

"Tell me the truth."

If you asked me to tell you the truth and I told you; yet you say that I'm lying. Why ask?

Classes are boring as usual.
But the new year seems much more interesting.
There's Pre Valentine's day too.
Everyone lies. Either for the good or bad.
I swear that Ryan and Sam add together = amusment.
The night sky these days are pretty clear.
There's a time when night and day are of euqual length.
I lost a bet to Pearlyn. But it was amusing.
She has a sweet tooth, and well I said that if she has at least one sweet left after school ends I'll give her money.
And it was really funny to see her go without sweets for a period of time.
Sweets keeps her awake, haha.

I closed the lid tightly,

only to realise later; that I've let out way to much,

it was a mistake to open it by a little.

Perpetuate the lies, don't tell anyone, keep it lock inside.

2010-02-02T04:38:00.001-08:00

The reason why the other post was deleted was because of some stuff. But for those who read it good for you. yeah. I'll explain to those who ask.

Rain.

P.S.
VIOLET IS BACK!!! And I hope that Momo and Danna had fun in their camp.
KIM GET BETTER SOON.
Oh and Brother, YiTing wanted me to tell you, that she thinks you are HOT. (: Have fun what ever you are doing now, saves me to message you in America (I THINK).
Yes YiTing is awesome...

2010-01-24T06:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Ryan called out to me in a gift shop "Psst..." I looked at him. Then his eyes shifted to me then to something, again and again...
Untill I saw what he wanted me to see. After 5 seconds of staring at it, the word "Why?" came into my head. I walked off leaving him. I have to admit. The gift shop was really uniqe...
Yet I managed to miss the display words on the shelf just in front of the entrance. If only I had missed it and have not look at it and walk out.
I would be much better off that way. Much better off not knowing, much better off not hearing, much better off not seeing, much better off not feeling.
It's my fault. do you hate me? Please hate me as much as I hate myself... As much as I don't want your hate.
Locked everything.

No I just want to fall endlessly.
To never fall and hit the ground.

2010-01-04T01:44:00.000-08:00

Welcome back Big Brother.

I'm worried for you, hearing whats happening to you scares me.

I heard from them that sometimes you spend most of your time alone,

that you sit alone and keep to yourself, and that you seem lost and depressed.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't do anything for you.

I still love you very much. I really do.

I'll do anything to see you smile like you used to.

Dazy.

2010-01-03T06:46:00.000-08:00

Alright, I promised Rainie to post the pictures of ~~torture~~ what we did on saturday so here it is! :D

Anyways, after collecting our pay in the morning, we walked around Plaza Singapura to look for her Brother, Ian, and Angus:) Presents. (Though first she insisted on going to Etude house first. What a vainpot. > v >) OMG found the coolest and cutest (trust me, when I say 'cutest' I don't mean it in a girly cutsey kind of thing, but in the 'its-okay-for-guys' kind of cute, so no worries Angus! 'w')little thing at 77th street (very unexpected). Gold in colour, picked it out and Rainie approved, so we shared the cost and she took it home to wrap. Hope you like it Angus o w <

Then went up to Times to get her Brother's presents, she spent a hell long of a time picking it out. The counter lady was abit pissed I think, HAHA. > O <

After lunch, went to the arcade, drooled on just about everything there. Rushed to Somerset, walked around, bla bla bla.

AND THEN Rainie had this horri-, I mean 'DELIGHTFUL' idea to go to the FISH SPA there. I was like 'HECK NO' as I was totally broke and saving money. Then she kidnapped (I really do mean it, you can ask the counter people, they witnessed this ~~fat cat~~ short girl dragging another girl BY FORCE into the Spa shop, no joke >_>). She paid for the both of us for a 30 min package, as my 'early valentine's day' present (lets just confirm this Rainie, I don't swing that way), and paid before I could stop her. :<

THE FISH SPA WAS TORTURE.

You know, I seriously don't get how those caucasians in the Fish Spa can look so relaxed, and even fall asleep. It took me a billion years to stick my foot into the water, and Rainie had to gently [not] SHOVE my legs into the water.

The fish savagely attacked my foot, and I was laughing in angony ;_;. I was the only one screaming, laughing and yelping in the whole spa, embarassing much. >.< Can't help being ticklish! Worse still, the people outside could see EVERYTHING through the clear spa glass, so yes they saw the whole commotion.

I kept lifting my foot out of the water, but felt really guilty since Rainie was paying for it, so I tried my best to stick my feet back in the water as many times as I could. (still could not get used to it)

(my foot on the left, Rainie on the right)
Its strange they go for my foot more than Rainie's. WHICH I DON'T APPRECIATE.

Managed to get into the water spot with lesser fish ;D It was much bearable, phew. Though I still hate it when fishes go in between the toes, its DISGUSTING plus it reminds me of leeches.

Tried my best not to kick in the water, I really pity the fishes o n o
And very helpful Rainie, encouraged me by threatening to buy the 1HOUR PACKAGE if I dared to lift my foot up from the water again.

Okay at the end of everything, my feet felt like it was electrocuted, tingly all over '.' But it did feel softer and cleaner in a way..?

But seriously, don't bring me there again.

2009-12-31T22:56:00.000-08:00

I've had a great christmas I guess. Friends celebrated with me. People keep talking to me, about the same topic, over and over again. I'm stubborn. I can't help it. If there's at least a glimmer of hope. I don't mind holding on to that even if it's going to torment me over and over again. I really need to thank you guys... Kim, Ryan, Danna, Momo, YiTing and also Ivan who has been there. Thank you for those wonderful presents! Thank you Ryan for arranging the one on one "date" with Ivan for my birthday. Haha but in the end I asked Kim to join me, and she asked Jordan to come. But it was pretty fun. I enjoyed it, with you three. I know that you guys really care. And I just really want to thank you people. These wonderful people. Anyway. Momo, yeah I remeber all right. But I just can't. I'm really sorry... Give me some more time. I just need alittle more time. To think it through. One last thing.

Merry Christmas to all.

Happy Birthday Big Brother.

Merry Christmas to You too...

its the new year, party it up?

2009-12-31T07:54:00.000-08:00

Ah, its the 31st of december 2009.

5 more mins to 2010.

Enjoy the last 5 mins of your birthday Rainie :>

And then,

let the chapter of 2010 begin.

Remember what I said? End something before 2009, so you may start something new in 2010. End and start.

Happy new year, and happy birthday Rainie ^.^

Happy new year to all too~ 'w'

~MOMO~

2009-12-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but the date is screwed up in this blog. It's the 23rd of december today.

Happ Birthday Ivan.

Been changing jobs a lot lately. Currently working as a sales promoter and tele-marketing. And it's rather hard selling some bottle for $140, and only when we sell we get paid. On the other hand the other job, my managers are really nice. Christmas is nearing, there's a few presents I've yet to get. Any way that's all I guess.

~~I miss them.~~

What did I eat..?

2009-12-17T06:38:00.000-08:00

How to reject a girl's confession gently and efficiently:

"The books that I love to read all involve maids. The cafe that I go to must be maid-related. Of course, I am also collecting figurines. When I play maid video games, I'll scream "MOE! MOE!". And when I get excited, I will wear my own maid outfit that I have and scream "HAA! HAA!" out loud."

Yes, I bet most, or probably all girls will speed away in a speeding boat once they hear that. ^^

Yosh! MOMO here, again :3. *Sigh* Rainie is too lazy to update her blog, though she can now use the computer for only a few measly minutes. -3- Though I wonder if anyone reads anymore, since there's no more new tags '.'

Ah well. The fat cat's bringing me out tomorrow for lunch at eighteen chefs as a late birthday treat XD And going shopping with me at Orchard after that too >w<>
Me: So what are we going to do tomorrow after lunch then?

Rainie: Well... I know! Let's go to the Marriott Hotel, sit on the sofas, and pretend to be rich.

Me: WHAT? Oh then what's next? A troupe of graceful dancers serenade us, as we bask in bright white spotlights, and then 2 cool looking blonde dudes will approach us and invite us to their deluxe suites, where a DJ will play Pitbull's "Hotel Room service", while we dance on one of those para-para arcade dance machines, followed by the arrival of Santa Claus who bursts through our windows, saying "HOHOHO! HERE'S YOUR LOUIS VUITTON AND MARC JACOBS BAGS THAT WERE ON YOUR WANTED LIST! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"?

Rainie:...You know, thats not bad. Lets do that.

Me: LIKE HELL THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN!

So we haven't exactly planed what we will be doing tomorrow.:o But it will be painful and torturing, since my pockets are completely and entirely dry, drier than a Hikkimori (stay-at-home) Otaku's chances of scoring a girl. >_>

WE NEED JOBS!!!! SOMEONE GIVE 2 ~~TYPICAL~~ CRAZY, (one especially crazy and weird), HOT-BLOODED, LOUD, YOUTHFUL GIRLS a GODAMN JOB!!!!!

I wish Santa could give jobs as presents. That way even Hobos would survive 'w'

Life's hard, and I want to be a cheeseburger.

2009-12-10T23:25:00.000-08:00

ELLO FELLOW WARM-BLOODED TWO LEGGED MAMMALS.

Just so you guys are thinking 'God this blog is so dead, that drunk dude over there looks more alive than this', TADAH I'm updating it o w o

Nope this is not Rainie. She's off at home imprisoned by ~~2 adults~~ her parents with no form of communication device to the outside world (except her phone). Thus she has ~~begged~~ asked me to try and inject some life into this dead ~~fish~~, I mean blog, oops.

I feel like some botox surgeon, trying to pump in some form of 'oomph' filling into a flaccid woman of some sort.

Ah well. This is Momo (Momotone) if you guys are still wondering. Figured I was gonna post loads of crap once I got access XD YAY!

Anyway, something pretty.... unhappy has happened to her lately, something related to *beep* and *beep* and I can't exactly say cause if I do, I know Rainie is gonna *beep* me which is why I'm using *beep* right now.

So Rainie is feeling kinda down and moody-ish, moping around and sighing like a sighing-thing. (argh I hate it when people are like that, it so sea cucumber like :P).

C'MON ~~FINONIA~~ RAINIE! BE A HAPPY SLOTH! :)
Ah sorry, its supposed to be fat cat right? ^^

Everyone, be sure to shower this FAT CAT with loads of love kays? Strap her to a chair in your garden and turn on the sprinklers of love and affection or something.

Ahh I typed alot now. ~~FINONIA~~ RAINIE YOU BETTER BE HAPPY.

WOOSH~!
-MOMO-

2009-11-05T00:22:00.000-08:00

Finally being able to come online. Actually I'm using Kim's computer.
I just wanna say sorry to those people I've hurt.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry.
Especially to Tiffany, Kea and Kim.
And sorry to Jonny too.
And to others out there.
Sorry.

2009-10-26T03:17:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I had that dream,

wonder what trigger it...

Was sent home today from school, was running a fever and stuff. Didn't want to go home but was sent home in the end. Anyway good luck to all my friends and senior who are taking their G.C.E 'O' Level Examinations starting today. All the best.

The day when they fought,

He was already planning to apologize,

If you think I'm happy or what so ever about it,

or heartless, or that I always think about myself, selfish,

and that I don't give a damn about what's happening, or that I don't

care... Afterall I know once you made up your mind on

something there's no use of even talking. I'll change.

And I'm aware of it.

Thank you, Jonny for telling me off.

And you too Kea. For the earlier one.

Bye.

2009-10-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

It feels dreadfully wrong somehow.

But what can I do?

What's done is done.

Point of no return.

A first for everything.

Well I don't want a first for some things.

Some stuff doesn't matter.

Yeah...

I LOVE MAGIC.

~~Iwouldlovetotellyouthosefewwordsoverandoveragain.~~

2009-10-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how the way I don't think now.

Without any second thoughts.

I just do it.

Sometimes I can't believe myself.

I don't want to think anymore, I can't help to feel the numbness in life.

How I wished that it was you that I hugged today,

How I wished that it was you that I smiled at today,

How I wished that it was you that I ran to today,

How I wished that it was you that hugged me back today,

How I wished that it was you that smiled back at me today,

How I wished you were here with me,

How I want only you.

Shit. I'm starting to hallucinate,

I keep seeing and thinking about you,

and I can't stop, or even want to stop,

even though it might sting.

It's been raining these few days, and I can't help but to sit in the rain.

Thanks my MENTAL BUDDY. HAHA... We shall lose our mind sooner or later.

Feelings behind the lyrics of those songs.

2009-10-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

Passer,

And how did you know so much? Haha thanks. Love story? It's a simple story. We're pretty normal... And who are you?... What do you want to know? Er... ^^ haha...

2009-10-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

Passer,

I'm funny? How? Haha!.

This is really amusing...

Bobbi: what was it rainie?
Mitsukake Sempai: What was what, it's not raining, Oh wait, Nevermind.
Rain: HAHAH.

AND

Rain: It's okay compared to me Bobbi has a better sense of direction
Bobbi: I do?! aww.
Rain: I got lost 4 times in orchard on the same day
Mitsukake Sempai: You must get lost alot, Rain.
Rain: and that's not the worst
Mitsukake Sempai: I rest my case. -ahem-

2009-10-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

It's late. I know.

But.

It's our half a year anniversary.

Happy 6th month, Kea.

Je T'aime.

2009-09-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

NOTICE:

I need an older adult for accompanying me for something, where are all the adults or people when I need them? 18 and above I guess... Or someone who can pass of as it...

(Definitely not my parents)

My Dare to Dream second story is better then my first! Haha. I'm gonna use that. ^^

Made a call back there, yeah, everything is going along fine, it's more or less confirmed I'm going back there, and I'm stocking new clothes since I'm going to stock clothes there too... Need money... And Violet asked me if I wanted to go with her somewhere, I agreed... November back home, December to the main house and if possible the trip with Violet, and also to spend my brother's birthday with him, if he's not going on a holiday...

2009-09-28T03:03:00.000-07:00

The group of us, seems like we are all dying, dying on the inside,

no smiles, no laughter can ever make things the same again,

no matter rain or shine,

The sky would never be the same again,

No matter how much perfection everything seems,

there's always a small flaw,

how it seems to be a drag,

how it seems we are all wanting to avoid it.

The night seems even longer, now and then.

End-Term papers are just... A few day's a way, sleeping at un-godly hours. Been spending more time with Maths. Bobbi, love, I'm happy for you.

________,

I think... I'll be going back there soon, it's been a while since I've been back there. I miss the calm feeling I get when I'm back there and the that traditional decor I love the most, those fishes I'm most fond of, I've never wanted to go Home this much, home to where I'll see everyone smiling at me, from the maid to granny, being concerned for me, whether I have ate or not, to where I'll be able to get things out of my mind for just that second. When I reach Home, I'll go up to my room, and take a nap, before you come to wake me up, and later bring him for a lazy walk... I will be back. Back Home.

It's my room! Homework are done outside my room at the study table with nice view outside, the balcony is my hiding place, it has a nice sky view, my room is located at the 3rd floor. It's not much. But I love it back there. Deal with it. (: I'll bring some stuff back there this Winter to make it look nice. Plus my wardrobe is really small. But I love it. It's not as if I would be staying there when I have school. It's only for short holidays and when school closes...

Do enjoy and take care for those in Japan.

I'm not annoying you freaky monkey brother of mine!!! But haha! Thank you for doing the things you promised me, haha. We'll be working together forever, partner's in crime.

I don't know but it seems like you're upset,

that's why you've turn to alcohol,

maybe that's only what I think, I may be wrong.

But your friends are concerned for you,

Nick is, and I bet the rest are.

Nick told me what you were mumbling about in your sleep,

you're always making the people you love happy,

you're always make me happy.

But I've been so distracted these day's to notice

the emotions behind your words.

Someone being so hard to read, not as easy as others.

Your promises and words were those that taught me about

Family. And I want you to know that, hey if you ever need someone,

I'll be there.

I love you.

It's always been this stupid cat and that geeky monkey,

But I love that geeky monkey.

I just wanted You to know, how happy I was,

to hear those words again.

2009-09-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about Mitsukake Sempai, Jonny. I'm not talking about him. But if you really think I don't care for Bobbi or anyone else. I've got nothing to say. Think what you want. It doesn't matter. And I've never considered myself.

2009-09-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

Damn. You look so tired these days. I'm worried for you, I don't say it, but I am. All these things have been tiring you out, I wonder how long you can hold on, what if you just fall one day, you're not having proper rest. Niether am I, but that's cause I can't sleep, I just keep worrying. But it's different in your case, you need to lead the whole team, the whole unit. You need to stay up so late just to lead and to help. I know, it's the most elite team, I could never find another team like them. And I can't do anything to help. I hate it. I hate it. Whatever you do, I want you to be safe, though I know we are well protected by them, we won't know, who might be the next one. All those nights you had to stay up late, all those nights they have to stay up late, all this time we've spent on worrying, all this time we tried to help and have things back to normal, it'll pay off soon.

2009-09-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

Two best friend,
both thorned.
One want's her close one safe,
the other wants the same thing as I want.
But both of us don't really care how it comes.

Topic of the day: Tiffany Kim. (One of my best friend)
Promised her I'll blog and that the topic would be her.

Tiffany is like an older sister to me, when you really want to talk to someone, she's the right one. We're not currently depending on each other. More of me depending on her. She encourages me a lot, like Kim and Danna, she's funny, and tends to give in to me to some things, which makes her really cute in a way, (Like Kim) But only to much more ridiculous request, and she would go "Whatever you Like" and even more insane requests too. HAHA. Honey and Love would be how she calls her best friends, more of Honey though haha! For me that is. Like any best friend she's really concerned for her friends and best friends, she's nice and amazing. Also my big brother's best friend. It's very very funny to talk to her and my brother on the phone because they call each other names and stuff. And yeah. Love you, Tiffany. Let's getaway some day. To far away.

2009-09-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

Talked to Yayoi Sempai for a while today. I talked to Tiffany, I talked to Jareb, I talked to him. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe she's right about it... I don't know.

Seems like I've been shot.

I don't want to let go.

2009-09-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

Hey Jordan...

Hey Kimmie...

Damn, I gonna have to work to wee hours tonight thanks to Humanities homework. Where's the coffee. Argh. I'm not fond of coffee. But I need to drink to keep me awake.

I cried again, Violet handed me tissues. She didn't ask why, she knew why. I'm so worried for you, I don't want to let some things go too. I want a replay button. I'll give anything for it.

2009-09-11T00:48:00.000-07:00

Don't fight. Please promise me you guys won't.

Bobbi,

I'll be there for you. Just a phone call away, just a messenger away, you'll be safe, I hope, and I trust... You can't just give up like this, after all that they tried to do for you, give them some time, and when I recieve further information, I'll tell you, I know you're having a hard time, but trust that everything will be fine, I love you.

Tiffany,

Love, I'll be a phone call away too. If there's anything you want to talk to me about or just looking me up for a chat, I'll be there. You'll always be my best friend no matter what, I know you are having a hard time accepting that he's dead. I'll always be there for you. To back you up. Don't worry, Love. I love you.

Big Brother Ian,

Thank you so very much, you were there when I needed to talk to someone, and all the promises made that you'll always be by my side, even if I no longer need you, you'll always support me, even if I don't notice that you are, you'll be there. And when I need you, you'll be where I need you to be, and that you'll always listen to me. I love you Big brother, the monkey I've always loved. The best brother anyone can have.

Danna,

I'm so sorry about what happened, it's not your fault. I snapped at you. And I'm so so sorry, I don't know what else I can say to make it up for you. I should have known better that you were always the one under the most pressure and yet I just couldn't control myself at that point of time. I'm so sorry, I'll do whatever you want now. To make it up to you. I'm so sorry.

2009-09-08T22:06:00.000-07:00

Last night things are still in a mess. First Bobbi, now You.

You're gone, I heard your name as someone else. I thought I heard wrongly, I really did, It should not be like this, it's wrong. When she called me, the first thing she said was "Nathan died". And I my brain disconnected, you should not have died. No. It's wrong. Nathan. Can't. Die. He. Just. Can't. No. And then when I was on the phone with Tiffany and my brother. Tiffany and I cried. It just came, like this. When Wan called, I could not tell her that it was gonna be fine. Because it's a lie. I would be lying not only to her but myself, when Tiffany told me to tell her it's a joke, I could not, that would be deceiving her and myself. But it's not possible, thinking over and over about it. It just can't, Someone who's so nice, who has a kind heart. Can't. Just. Die. Like. That. But if it's not true, why does everything about you come to my mind, from the time when I first talked to you, how you used to talk to me, how you loved the Valentine's day present I gave you, to how you made fun of me and Kea, how you hear about me from Kea being so patient to hear, even though you found it irritating, from the time I made you angry once, to the last letter I wrote to you without the birthday present it should go with. To how I was getting ready to buy Christmas presents this year. It's not even a year. Nathan, you can't just go like that. Nathan, you being best friends to others, being like a brother to others, being a good friend to others and me. Being there. Made us so blessed. She said she won't believe it till she sees it. "No, it's not our Nathan, it can't be our Nathan. They've got the wrong Nathan" She said it. And during that moment, I truly want to think that they got the wrong Nathan and it's not our Nathan, but if so, why are people so upset. She's right, people just don't die like that, people at age 17. Do. Not. Just. Die. Like. That. People who promised the girl he loves a week ago that he would look after her and protect her a week ago for their rest of their lives, do not just go like that. People with great personality, with a kind heart do not die. Especially at 17. You can't. But everything about you has been replaying in my head like watching a sob movie all alone, watching the last few moments they spend with the one dying, replaying not once, not twice, but again and again and again. Until it stops haunting all of us. How I wish that it's a joke. But the facts, are undeniable. I never had the thought of a good friend dying. I never had a thought that any of my friends would die. But it happened. My Junior was saying that maybe God has something else important for him to do, that's why he left. It's a lie. I don't believe it. No. It just can't. It's impossible. How I'd wished I had spent more time with you. That we had more time together, the whole group of us. People who are so damned kind. Do. Not. Die... He. Can't. Die...

Heaven forbids us to spend more time with you.

We love you Nathan.

And I love you too Nathan...
Don't go... Don't...

2009-09-08T06:16:00.000-07:00

When out with Momotone today, haha, we had lots of fun. I went back to the house where my rented room is, I went to the room straight. Obviously greeting my landlady, and the maids. Then went up, dump my stuff. From the outside of the house, it already brought back memories. Homely, happy memories that I shared with the landlord's family. Then later the room smelled the same, the same bamboo-ish smelled I loved. Went to the toilet and got changed. Went down and found drinks, helped myself with two can's of soft drinks, I still remembered where things went, like the order. Anyway will post pictures of my room and stuff, and I enjoyed my day, thanks Momo. I hoped you enjoyed it too.

2009-09-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

Five months already... The same few words. Happy 5th month, I love you, Kea.
And I just want to hear it from you, the same old style you used to tell me when we had all the time together. And I really thought anything was possible with you by my side. Maybe, Maybe Not. I don't know.

I don't want to think about anything. Losing my temper lately. Losing myself. Losing it.

2009-09-05T21:26:00.000-07:00

Jay,
The first thing is that, I did not even ask you to come and read my blog, I don't care and I don't know who you are, it's your fault that it burns you because I did not even ask or want you to look at me. And I don't even know you. Use your real name then, because I do not know any guy by the name of Jay. Coward. And do not comment anything about my preferences or what so ever if you do not know about my life, or any of our lives including my friends. And if you're against the Japanese race. Back off. Because my seniors from SJS are JAPANESE. Therefore the JAPANESE NAMES. Does the school name not make it clear? Or should I spell out for you? S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E J-A-P-A-N-E-S-E S-C-H-O-O-L. And not only that I have a few mixed Japanese friends too. And other international friends, go screw yourself if you insult any of us. Thank You for your KIND understanding.

Words keep floating, Violet, Strawberries, Moringa, Ogata, punched, cookies, grocery store, 50 over million dollars, Hayate Sempai, Mitsukake Sempai, Japan. Tokyo. Anger, frustration, time loss, many other things, my best friend. Gone. "Will pray for a change" JL siad. Gone. I snapped.

2009-09-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Haha...

When life takes it's toll on the most unexpected victim,

What will you do when life takes it's toll on you?

Nothing.

You can't do anything, but sit there and torment yourself...

That's what makes us...

Human.

‘Cause I’ve drawn regret

From the truth

Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come

And wash away

What I’ve done

I’ll face myself

To cross out

What I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of

What I’ve done

Sometimes I look around,

Everyone seems so happy

They should'nt be.

And I ask myself why?

And I replied because they don't know anything.

And then it replied "You don't know anything too, because you're not them, and they are not you"

And it smiled back at me. And I tried to reach for her.

Put to rest

What you thought of me

While I clean this slate

With the hands

Of uncertainty

So let mercy come

And wash away

What I’ve done

I’ll face myself

To cross out

What I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of

What I’ve done

"Promise?" I said.

And there was silence at the other end of the phone,

flash backs of when the last time I had said such a foolish word, came to my mind,

and I just stood there spacing out.

My brain slowly started to function.

"Are you doubting me?" The person answered after awhile,

And I woke up from my daze, "Sorry, I don't know what I'm talking sorry."

"Well yeah."

I don't know if I had made her stunned or what so ever,

But at that point of time....

For what I’ve done

I’ll start again

And whatever thing

May come

Today this ends

I’m forgiving

What I’ve done

I’ll face myself

To cross out

What I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of

What I’ve done

Forgiving what I’ve done

I just need reassurance,

Just like any other kid,

Wanting to be assured that when he or she wakes up,

everything is fine.

And that the person is still there.

But it's different now I guess,

even without assurance or with it,

Nothing will change.

Cheer Up Momo, I'll help you find it. Cheer up. Don't cry anymore. Please don't cry anymore.

2009-08-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

This little 7 year old boy asked.

"What happened to your neck?"

And I was taken aback and I bend down,

"Just some scratches"

And he said,

"You must be more careful."

And for a kid, he spoke fluent english with a slight american accent. Haha, and I don't know him at all. And it was kinda shocking, and yeah.

I don't like it when people know what I'm thinking. It doesn't make a difference.

Passer,

It's a pleasure too... You are?

2009-08-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

"If I were to have a flower;

whenever I thought of you.

I would be walking in my garden of flowers forever."

Went around today. Then I saw my tuition friend Bryan. Surrounded with girls, as usual and his guy friends too. And he waved, and those girls turn around and stared at me. The last time he waved at me his friend or girlfriend glared at me. And it kinda happened again when the same girl passes by me today. And then after that I remembered I'm not going tuition today, I'm going to the Sunday morning class one. So I went to tell him, and this time it was only one girl with him. The rest were playing arcade. And I tapped him and he looked at me, and smiled. I swear that I don't pay attention to him, usually I'm thinking of him and my close friends, but then I noticed how pretty his eyes were when he looked at me. He had this pair of kind eyes, which was sparkling and his eyes had nice black outlines, which made it stand out and made him look pretty. And the girl looked over at me, so Estelle backed me up. And before he left he waved bye and I just looked. Haha. Estelle was telling me about the Sempai's and I was laughing as they were really funny and we kinda predicted something.

"Oh My God it's Sasuke!" Momo shouts.

"Er..." Hitoshi was stunned.

"OH MY GOD!" Momo starts chasing Hitoshi as he kinda looked like Sasuke

*Hitoshi makes a run for it*

"DON'T GO!" Momo tried reaching for Hitoshi with Yayoi Sempai hand restaining Momo on her forehead, Hisagi Sempai on her feet and Asaki Sempai pulling her back.

"RAIN?! What the hell? Who is she?!" Yayoi Sempai screams at Rain.

"Er her name is Momo. Rings a bell?" I replied.

"OH! OH! OH!" Asaki Sempai said.

*Hitoshi walks away.*

"NOOOOOOO!" Momo screams.

*Asaki Sempai breaks into a song, and Momo sang along forgetting about "Sasuke"*

"Are you alright 'Sagi?" Yayoi said concerned.

"Yeah." He replied.

Came that out when me and Estelle was watching Naruto.

10 days to go?

2009-08-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

All that I could think of is about things related to you. It plays over and over. You're one of my two best friends. But I'm a hopeless person who can't help you or him. Argh. I started writing to Yayoi Sempai and Hisagi Sempai again. Apparently they went to the Summer Festival too. Okay not only them, Yayoi Sempai, Hisagi Semapi, Hatori, Raiga, Asaki Sempai and Texas. (Once in a year Japan Summer Festival, which in Summer has many things going on!) One of the must go Festivals. Held in SJS. Some older senior there tapped me and ran away. And I stood there "...". I heard something happened to Raiga Sempai (I'm in a mood to make him feel superior therefore the Senior at the back of his name. HAHA. If only I could really witness the accident. I'll laugh my head off.) The festival was really fun. All those dancing and stuff. If only. If only. I want to drink SAKE. Okay I lost my mind.

Passer:
Erm. No. I'm not a model, I'm a pure blood athlete. Erm... The Japanese Genes, my Papa said it was my Grandmomma's good genes or was it late Great Grand Mother's good genes. Either way round. Thanks for your compliments? Who are you anyway?

2009-08-22T02:32:00.000-07:00

I played around with the colours. Haha. My God Momma.

It gets bad to worse now and then, it's going wrong. "Don't get pissed okay?" Danna said. And I wondered why I would. And she muttered two words. And I was like "HUH?!" She watched me closely, first anger spread but one second later, I was overwhelmed by mixed emotions. Why do I feel a little more relief? "I told you he was a bad ass." She said. But then maybe it's my fault for trusting you. But then again, I'm choosing to trust you. But I'm not on your side. I'm on his. I used to not take sides. And usually believe that everyone should have chances. But I'm sorry that I'm taking sides.

I don't want to talk about it. No. It's alright. Believe whatever you want. I can't be bothered anymore.

2009-08-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Jun Xian!

2009-08-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

Rain is a nerd. -.-

RMK is dating a nerd. -.-

My little sister is a nerd. -.-

Altair's chibi is a nerd. -.-

Violet's good friend is a nerd. -.-

Ian's little twin sister is a nerd. -.-

Ian is a cool nerd. :D

Rain is a retarded nerd. -.-

But the main point is that Rain is a nerd! :D

Composed By: Kim. :D

HAHA. :D

You say he knows?

Really? You mean all this time he knows?

Why does it makes me want to scream at him?

Why does him telling me through someone else saying he knows, makes me so angry?

Why does him telling her through someone else saying he knows, makes her cry?

He knows, all this time, He knew.

I don't know what else is there to say anymore.

I miss you,

I miss how we used to talk about clothes.

I miss how I used to help you with clothes,

I miss how you used to help me with clothes.

I miss your happiness.

I miss how you jump at me and shout "HI RAIN!"

I miss you.

I miss how much the colour violet suits you.

We miss you so very much.

And he misses you the most.

Will I ever want to tell others about things?

I don't know.

It's hard. No one ever listen.

That's why I learned not to share.

Failing so miserably in life. Seeing others doing things perfectly flawless.

The burden of their words.

It's weighing me down.

The guilt of something is also weighing me down.

Struggling with it.

Failing so bad.

The amount weighs on me.

Their fallen hopes that weighed on me,

But me being the failure,

Just haunts me.

The worry for her.

The guilt of the stab meant for me taken by someone else.

The failure being plastered on me in front of them.

The thin line that I'm being forced to.

All the support I've been given,

From my best friends, guardian, big brother to him.

Never once from the people who I wanted from.

I've tried, I've tried...

But it's never enough.

It never is.

Things that hurt, I just don't want to share them,

Things won't change, will there?

The amount of things that might slip through my fingers,

The amount of every little thing.

Makes it even harder to go to sleep as the day passes.

It's so hard to avoid.

2009-08-12T04:56:00.000-07:00

Blood shed all over the streets,
bruises all over,
darkness for the one and only,
strangers close in,
you're all alone,
your close ones away,
distant, pain, loss,
feelings playing over and over,
pain.
Pain being the very clear feeling,
Why?
This should not have happened.
No.
Knowledge is a wretched thing.
We should have kept it from you.
But we had to tell,
maybe all of us are regretting having you knowing,
or maybe I do.
It's a mistake.
I'm so sorry.

Oh.
Screw it. Screw this.

2009-08-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

Every now and then,

blood trickles down my finger tips,

so long this World.

Never less, so long and see you my next life.

Nothing's up, still remembered. Her. And also another Her. The first one whom has treated me with so much care and concerned. Much more then what I get from my Momma. The other one who treated me with so much patience. Patience many others can't give me. One who got stab because of me the second one making me see the world in another prospective. One who stood by me, the other who taught me. Both so strict, yet so kind. Two wonderful people. I can't and never forget.

"Poke" E

"Did you just poke her?" J

"Er. Yeap!" *Laughs hysterically* E

"HAHAHAH" J

"..." M

Don't you think being able to feel like being in a family just so nice?

I'll never forget.

"You're busy, I know. I'm fine

Don't worry about me. They'll look after me,

Je T'aime."

2009-08-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

It's like two troubled people in a group of happy people.
No?
Look at it this way.
Denial. Denial that you say everything will be fine.
But you know it won't.
Denial about other stuff.
You miss him?
I know.
I can tell.
Looking at the way you are in school and in your own world.
You've been there for me and even remembering something like what you said today,
Cheer up.
Telling others to cheer up when you need it to.
So ironic.
All is well, all will be fine.
We shall all cheer up.

It's the fourth month already...
Happy fourth month.
Je T'aime, Kea.

2009-08-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

My class has been talking a lot about stuff. Haha! like at 12:34 pm at 56 seconds 07/08/09. The numbers are 123456789. And badminton is fun. Stuff. LUNCH TOMORROW! REBBY IS COOKING! JAREB IS COOKING! Oh god. It's to die for! PASTA! HERE I COME! Haha, tomorrow is a half day, so I'll be going over to find her! But I'm not sure what time her classes end. But PASTA!!! Been doing a lot of projects. I'm so tired. But oh well... Back to talking to Tiffany, Joyce and Cloe for now! <3

Even though I haven been of high sprits these days,
The people around me have made my day,
Even though you don't notice.
You do. Thanks Danna. Kim. Meow. Wan. Violet. Tiffany. Joyce. Cloe.

I promise to go clubbing with you three some time soon alright, Tiffany, Joyce and Cloe?

Very soon. When maybe all my end-term papers end. Or sooner. Love you.

2009-08-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

You tell me these things, what am I to do?
"You will lose out."

"I want more from you."

"You can't do it."

"Perfect poise."

"I want you to not lose out."

"Triple the work."

"There must be a mistake how I brought you up"

"I should not have been to lenient."

"The medication is to help you."

"You good for nothing."

"You are not given enough homework."

"You need to put triple the work then what others put in."

"Why do you have so many scars?!"

I hate how things are so perfect. So damned flawless. Why. Why does some things so freaking perfect? I can't stand it. I can't. It was not what I wanted to hear from you both. A mistake? I'm a mistake? Why does so much people expect so much from me? It's like walking on a very fine line and not being able to do it but there's not walking back, seeing the other family members doing it with such perfection. And then I can't and get reprimanded for it. I'm so sorry, my medical bills, all my medicine. All of it. Must have caused you both your savings. I don't expect much from you both, knowing I am down with this. I don't expect more. I swear I don't. I'm not jealous at any one. I don't want things others want. Maybe I don't mind not having both your attention at all. I don't. Because I know I'm a burden. I've always burden others. I'm sorry I can't attain anything. I should have berated myself worse then what I used to. I hate it. How things are so perfect. So damned flawless... I'm a burden. I don't want to burden others... It doesn't matter anymore. I tried. Maybe... Just not hard enough. I've not done enough. It's not enough.

2009-07-31T07:11:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to Matthew Charles

Sanders.

2009-07-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

Maybe to you both, it might not be the most important thing. Or maybe the thing you both would never care at all. I don't know. And I don't know what to say anymore. I've been deceiving myself for all these time, just to be happy. Time after time, the both of you kept on pushing my limits. Limits after maximum limits. Why? I should not care right? I mean, the words I say about not caring anymore still comes to me. Why? I gave up already. But why does this things bother me? They do. A lot. Time again and again, different things. Like cutting the same wound over and over again. I hate you both. I do. I really do. But why. Why do I still bother to care. I could have easily just went off like that. Why. Tell me. You both can't do anything at all can you? Deep ain't it? The both of you kept so much things from me. I don't like it. I don't. Why. Why must you both do these all over again and again. It's been like this. It shouldn't bother me, right? But it does.

Should I,

Start all over again, new name,

new life, new beginning, new country, new home, new family.

If so, it's gonna be hard. But I will get througt it again. I've always had.

2009-07-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

Heyo's! Sorry for being away with no proper post. I've been fine lately. Just... Well... My health and a whole lot... Was sent home from school. Rested a lot lately. Kim said I must. She's not the only one... Haha! And the wheather is really bad. And my asthma attack is getting worse. Waited from my parents to get me for 2 hours. Kim and I are working on something... Everything is alright I guess... Yeah... More or less.My hands look like broom sticks... I think I'm losing weight. Erm... Hm... I'm like 42kg now. Though I've been sleeping ALOT. Happy Birthday Jordan. We dumped flour on him today. HAHAH. Like a lot, he look like a walking snow man. Especially when the wind blew. It looked like it was snowing. Jessie wanted me to go so I went. Last year I celebrated his birthday with some others too. Haha... ... ... ... ... ... ... Thats all... Yeah...

Kim commented this is fake happiness...

IT IS NOT, I think...

I still think and know it's my fault. I'm the cause. I'm the villian.

2009-07-13T03:29:00.000-07:00

Will Be Right Back.

-No worries. I'm perfectly safe. Just Missing In Action.

Rain.

2009-07-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To Mikey, Love.

Happy Birthday To Nathan.

Happy Birthday To Jocelin.

Happy Birthday To Royston.

Happy Birthday To Brian. (A7X)

Happy 3rd Month Kea.

"I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and
Never let me go."

By NckelBack. "Far Away"

~~Why is it on this very day, I want you more.~~

Your crying leads me to being speechless, as my response would be the same, out of reflex. Telling you it's alright, somehow, I'm doubting that things will be alright. Becasuse I'm not sure anymore. Stop crying, think happy. Never will we leave you alone, as we pray for you to be safe. Look at the brighter side of things. Stop there. too fast. Slow down. We need to catch up. As we take time to embrace you. Don't forget you're never alone. Never. And we love you Kim.

Follow the notes at ones journey,

The first sight will marks ones destiny,

When ones voyage reach to an end,

Return lies within hasty keys.

2009-07-05T04:13:00.000-07:00

You know, I wonder how many people know the inside story to this? The reason I chose to not tell the inside story was because I was trying to not hurt her, plus I respect her decision of not telling others. I only came by it, I don't know wether it was meant for me to know. But anyway. I rather get hurt then her. Though it might be time for the rest to know, I don't know... I don't know anything, I don't. And please. If you don't mean it. Don't ask about my life anymore. Or my family. Becasue I'm not going to answer these questions anymore. I've started to lose hope in the word family. I really am...

It's gonna be fine Kimmie. Don't worry. We'll be there for you, you know that. Like the story in the bible. King Simon was it? And the baby and 2 mothers, the one who gave up. Yeah. It's so like you, unselfish. It's gonna be alright, it will. Thanks for being there for me when I needed you too...

Bobbi Love, welcome back. It's great to have you back, and I'm sorry that I can't come on often so I'm writing letters to you. And well. I'll talk to you soon, by writing letters. Thank you for all the support you have given me. All the assurance before, Thank you. And welcome back Mitsukake Sempai too.

Violet, it's not true. He's right. So it's fine. But thanks for trying to knock your senses in to me, and for the very long message to try to let me see your point of view... And for spending lots of times with me even though when I'm so upset. You sat there and talk to me, when I'm about to cry you just tell me that everything is gonna be fine.

Danna, thank you for also trying to knock some sense into me and for your kind words. Sorry if I have been much of a trouble lately, for having you to worry about me, sighing through the words you kept repeating to me, having lesser pressure from you made me have lots of time to think, sort things out. But I think I'm ready for the usual strictness from you once again. For you to scream at me for a small grammar mistake, Thank you for being there and being my only support pillar just recently only one setback caused me crashing having to lean on you more. I'm sorry. Thanks for being a great guardian.

Tiffany, it's been a long time since I last talked to you. I'm sorry for not coming on as often. I miss you, looking back at all the times we used to share, I miss you. Come back, your friends are all here. We are all here. Be safe. I have not been much of a best friend now have I? Sorry. Please take care of Joyce too... She's as important as you to us and to a special someone.

Ryan, Thank you being a best friend. Checking up on me these past few days. Telling me stuff. Thank you for taking up your time. Having to know things and being there, cursing and swearing through some of your messages about stuff. Assuring me that it's gonna be fine and that I should clear up with him soon. Thank you for your kind words too. Thank you for being a great friend.

Deborah, thank you for also trying to knock senses in to me. For you to call me up and explain again and again about stuff. Checking up on me and also messaging me when you are bored. Thank you for being a great friend and also being very mature among us. And for making fun of me when ever I see you with "Do I know you?" or "Who are you?" Haha.

I thought you would understand what I was trying to do. I thought you knew. I don't know if you know the inside story or not. I'm not taking chances, but if you think I've changed... What else can I say. Because I can't and I don't know how to phrase it at all. I'm sorry if I was hiding things from you. I know, I promised to tell you stuff when you come back. But I'm sorry, I did'nt want to pressurize you, because you needed time for your problems too. I don't want to take up your time, you needed some time alone too. I'm sorry I could not be of help much. Sorry for being stupid and ignorant. Sorry if I gave you an impression I've changed. I needed some time myself to adjust to how to phrase my feelings. I'll tell you soon... Sorry big brother. If you think I've change. Then I try to change back to the little sister that you love, the little sister I've always been and will be.

2009-07-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

You know, I don't get it. I really don't. It's been a day since I found out you left. How have you been? You know, love. That you matter to all of us. I'm sorry I can't come often. That I don't even have time to read people's blogs or even yours. I just take a glance through it all. And I'm the last person to find out you are gone somewhere far. I hate it. I hate not knowing what's wrong earlier. I could have talk to you if I could use the computer. I hate it not hearing from you. It's been a day and I've been thinking and praying for you to be fine. I've been busy. I'm sorry. With lots of stuff, projects and things. I don't know. Really. I have lots of home work to catch up, and if it were not for the same people in school who's helping me, I don't think I'll make it through. With assistance from Kim and others. Even the recent present. I had no time to get. Only manage it last minute thanks to Kim and Danna. Where are you now? Are you fine? Why did you leave? If it was me that's the one, I should be the one leaving. Not you. I can't even seem to contact you. How useless can I get. I can't go online. My parents don't allow me to. I only have 10 minutes. Why don't you just tell me that it's my fault. Because no one says that it is. I need to hear from you. I do. Need to. Why did you choose to leave. It's my fault. Come back soon. I need you. I really do. Love you Tiffany. Please if you do read this... Be safe. And I pray that Joyce is well and safe too... My ten minutes is up. I miss you both. And I wish I could talk to you both.

2009-07-02T04:25:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Kea.

Finally 17. Happy birthday. Your present is with me. I'll pass it to you. I love you. Je T'aime.

You were the first few,
who wished me happy birthday,
on one of the day's I dread the most.
The one who made last year's birthday
The best.
The one who was always there,
the one who was patient with me.
The one who never gave up on me,
when I gave up on my life.
I saw pass you,
one big mistake.
But I'm glad,
after all this while.
You were still there,
there for me to
Love you.
And always having you to love me as to so
giving me the best present I ever recieved.
You.
You know how to make me smile at times when I'm down,
remebered about her sudden death,
And I was so pessimistic about life.
You taught me to be optimistic.
The way you joke around with our friends,
always amuses me.
The way you phrase your words,
the way how sweet you say things to me,
your sweet dedications for me on your blog.
The things I treasure the most.
You've been a great guy all this while.
And I'm sure you will always be.
And I love you.
Je T'aime Kea.
Happy 17 Birthday.
"The sun is shining bright;
and the stars will point the way.
Soon I'll hold you in my arms..."
learned that from you, you told me.
I believe in it.
How I wish I could do the same for you.
Have it a great birthday for you.

2009-07-01T06:32:00.000-07:00

Everything is more or less settled now. I can finally take a break after all the work. I slept once I reached home. It went well for Kim today. I'm happy but half of the time my body was there and my thoughts far away. She assured me on stuff. Thank you loads. Danna has been giving me lesser pressure lately, and I'm not used to it. She would scream at me for one grammar mistake but she's not as strict as before, and I'm not used to it. Ryan was talking to me the day long, being the very nice guy he told me "Don't worry about it okay. When you fall, we'll pick you up. When you cry, we'll be here to cheer you up." Yeah. Thanks Kim for helping me with his present. I really hopes he likes it... Yeah...

2009-06-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

Life's been really hectic... I've been working these days. I chose to earn my own share of money instead of using the one I have, I'm trying not to use any one's help. But Kim said if I needed it she'll be there. Everyone has been there. Kristel amused me by drawing Chinese lessons today. We had lot's of fun. Danna has always been my pillar that I've always been leaning. Kim with her encouragement. Everyone who's been checking on me. Thank you. The Sempai's for keeping me busy. Thank You all.

How many times have I cried over the same thing?
I'm not sure.
it's enough to eat me up,
all those times I drift to think,
People try to get me out of it.
I wondered,
How many times am I really going to continue to cry over it.
It bugs me.
Seems to me I do ever so often...
And it's all quiet,
Only my silent scream and cries in my head.

Why did I not explain to you earlier?

Why did I keep my thoughts away from you,

I should have told you.

I should have.

But I chose not to.

And I'm regretting because I'm hurting about it.

I'll tell you soon...

I will...

2009-06-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

It hurts. A lot. I've known many things. All from the start. But I don't say. It hurts. I know. All the bad things that happened, I don't say, I keep it. Because I'm hurting. And it's my fault. Why. Why must things turn out this way.

...

2009-06-28T04:54:00.000-07:00

Argh... I don't believe this. I'm back to restriction. I can't use my iPod and computer for now... I DON'T BELIEVE THIS... Back to the old letter writing fashion, everyone! Haha... And way this month is coming to an end already, school's reopening. I have not heard from Yayoi Sempai and Hisagi Sempai for two weeks already... And stuff... And Asaki Sempai too along with Hatori and Raiga. Haha... Along with ups and down. This whole month had a lot of happy things...

Jonny is out of Juvi Hall for a month.
Jared woke up from his one month coma.
Two of my friends are engaged.
Someone has finally found happiness.
The girls are fine over in Switzerland.
Tiffany has become more happier.
Kea and I are going on still fine and happy.
I finally found a suitable present.
And many other things...
And well yeah. Sorry if I can't come on often anymore...

I love everyone! Haha...

Je T'aime Kea.

4 more days.

2009-06-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

... -Speechless-... You really know how to get Mitsukake Sempai angry, don't you? Hahah I don't know what to say... Really... Hahah...

Recount.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND RAIN?!" (MS)
"HE JUST PULLED MY GIRL'S LEGS?!" (MS)
"What the hell?! I'll call him." (J)
"Is it over?!" (MS)
"I think so... He's covering both his ears" (B)
"Done." (J)
"..." (R)
-Five minutes later after Mitsukake Sempai heard something that happened earlier-
"He is a dead man!" (MS)
"But?..." (B)
"..." (R)
-END-
MS- Mitsukake Sempai
J- Jonny
B- Bobbi
R- Rainie

Walked sound Singapore today. In a dazed. Stoned a lot. Hahah. Mitsukake Sempai really knows now to read minds. He helped me say something to Bobbi to tell to Kea. Hahah... I was dazed, so well. I did not had time to react... So thanks Mitsukake Sempai! I really worry for you... Mitsukake Sempai is really scary when he gets angry. So... Hahah... I just hope Kea is fine after his bashing... I was walking around. It's been awhile since I went to the Airport... That was one of the places I went today... Caught a movie with Victoria. Before that lunch at Swensens... And yeah. Then trained... I DID NOT CAB TODAY. Victoria won't allow me... So we went on foot. Hahah. But it was alright. I needed time to clear things up in my mind. I'm taking up my friend's suggestion to clear up my mind. I figured out what to finally get for your birthday. But I thought of it myself... And ask for Mitsukake Sempai's opinion. He said it was appropriate... So. Yeah. Hahah... I forgot to bring my inhaler around with me today. Haha how forgetful! I took it out a few days ago because I needed to use it... Looks like I need to be more careful... Hahah...

2009-06-26T09:19:00.001-07:00

Someone shoot me,

I'm begging you,

I mean...

All this pressure,

I should be able to manage fine,

I give up,

Shoot me, Please.

Someone.

I can't believe I said "Okay."

I don't believe myself.

How the hell can I?!

I know,

All of us are feeling bitter,

all of us are wasting our lives.

I don't blame no one.

I as a friend should not say "Okay" to this.

Because why?

I'm wasting my life too.

But that is no valid reason to agree.

So what if the person who I would share my problems with is not there

I should stay and listen to those who need me,

I should be in more control over my emotions.

I've always have good control over my out burst.

Need to suppress it.

Someone shoot me.

Someone...

My fault,

The usual my fault.

I should not have agreed to it.

I want to run away,

how am I suppose to face her love ones.

How am I to explain.

I can't face them.

There's too much people to face,

at times like this,

how I want to cry into your chest,

so badly.

Since you're not here,

I'll just wait till the sun rises and sets,

till the Shadow eats me up whole.

My fault,

I can't face anyone.

It's not right. It's not.

It's my fault.

Someone shoot me.

2009-06-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

I still remember. When my life used to be turned upside down. It's not what I expected it to be. Danna was there, she's always there. Now it's slowly tilting. What am I to do now, Danna? I can't do anything about something. Help me. Sigh. Things are piling up. Turn cards went the opposite way. Things are going the wrong way for my close friends too. Sigh. Schools reopening. I don't know if you will be heading back here. How I wish to celebrate your birthday with you... Everything is gonna be fine. That's what I keep telling everyone and myself. Hahah. It's not wrong telling a white lie, right? Yeah. Hm. It is. I think this will be the last time. I'm putting all my hopes for a new turn. For the better. I need to be happy. I need to. I have to. But will things change? For once? Please do. I begging for it to be like what life used to. All of us together. We used to he together. In this country called Singapore. We used to. How I wish we used to be like what we used to. Together like family.

If you really want, Big brother.
I'll ask my parents,
But I doubt it. Keep your fingers cross...
Love you.

Bits and Pieces of the Sweetest words from you,
Keep replaying in my mind,
Like a broken recorder,
How much I want to hear them once again,
In our usual and easy conversations and our time together,
I want to hear it bad.
I want you bad.
Je T'aime.

2009-06-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

Almost lost you today. Do I always give people a wrong impression? Sigh. I'm happy with you. And I really hope you know it. And I want to be with you. I've always been happy. And I've always love you. I'm happy. I am. Sometimes, you gotta see it to believe it. If only you were here to see how happy I am being with you. And I love you.

Sorry to those people who I indirectly got you pulled down.
Kea
Kim
Yi Ting.
Sorry. I did not mean to make Jonny angry. And I'm sorry too Jonny.
(I heard he was screaming on the phone to Kea and Kim. I'm so sorry.)
Sorry Jonny.

2009-06-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

Talk to a couple of people today. Mostly with Bobbi and Joyce. Stoned the evening becasue my MSN and iPod was being and pain in the neck. I heard that I'm appearing online even though my MSN won't work. My iPod is screwing my bee jive too, by making me sign in an out in like every one minute. Stoned some more. I hope he is having a great time over there. It's been awhile. I don't want to say much. Nothing is wrong...

I miss him.
Je T'aime.

2009-06-24T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I was pushing all your help away. I'm sorry if I phrased my words wrongly. I'm sorry. I mean it. I'm sorry Jonny. I don't know okay. I don't. It felt like another stab. Old memories, old wounds. Reopening again. Felt like another stab. Like last year. Thinking back what happened. I don't know. All the time, thinking back, got me crying. I'm glad I was alone at home. And I tried my best to be happy the past few days. Knowing that my happiness was his. Smile. Don't snap. Smile. Yeah. I will. If only I could just get out of the past, I have to be happy now. Having him, I don't have to look back, no more pain. But then it's still vivid. I'm afraid things will turn out like before. I'm so afraid. I need to clean up the mess I've made now. I should have dash for the toilet. I stayed there. Now to clean up the mess.

2009-06-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

I need to really pay attention to my surroundings more, I don't think I will be lucky the next time. Went to the doctors today. My momma is having some operation soon. My asthma attacks are being a little too frequent... I was trying to not use my inhaler. But gave up after 5 minutes of acute pain. The days are coming a little too fast and I'm still trying to figure out stuffs.

I miss the time she was here. I miss it so badly. No one to talk to in dreadful school classes. I still remember how often she and I message during school. Her school always start later then mine. And we always message till after I ended my school. I miss it. I miss how she and I used to talk on the phone. I miss all those messages from her, I miss the way I used to tell her everything. Big or small, she would still listen. I miss the way she used to be like a big sister to me. I miss her. I miss her bad. I still remember, her trip to New York, was so dreadful without her. 4 days and my life became so dull. But now, I miss her, but she won't come back just not yet, I miss how much we used to talk, but then. I can't. I must have brought a lot of pain to her. That's why these days I don't ask about her. I don't dare to ask how is she. But I miss her. I miss my best friend. She needs time. I'll stay far away just enough to be there for her if she need me.

I miss them too. I miss those who chose to stay in Switzerland. I miss Stacy, Mikey and Cloe. More of Stacy and Mikey. Because I don't talk to Cloe much. But I miss them too.

Congrats to my other best friend in getting engaged to my senior. Last long! Engagement is no small thing! I wanna attend your wedding!!! Hahah. Sempai come back soon!!! I wanna receieve more letters from you.

Your birthday is just around the corner. And I have no idea what to do. I want you here. But I don't know how to even tell you. I think, I'll try something else. Even though I want you here bad. So badly. I love you.

Joyce and Stacy are waiting for me!!! I think I'll stop here. I love everyone I mentioned in this post. Joyce too. Hahah.

Decided to forget everything about being sad. Looking forward to the future with you and my best friends. And spending my time on more useful things like social work. Looks like I'm going back to my social work life. Going to be BUSY! Hahah social work in either the hospital or a day-care centre. Back to work! Haha. I think I'll go ask of they need help in the day-care centre near my house. Hahah.

After all these years my parents kept my Violin. They finally agreed to have me take it up again. After all these years of pleading them to let me continue playing. They finally told me where they kept it. If only I get to see and play it soon, again.

2009-06-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

Will came back from his trip yesterday. Then he messaged me after he came back. Asking me why was I not sleeping, told him I can't and he said something I never thought he knew... "Having nightmares again?" then I was "Yeah." Thinking how he knew. And then he told me to call him, I did. We talked for a very long time about going to 1 plus. I know I should have slept early. But he was telling me all that happened in his trip and it was so funny. He was telling me about all the pranks he played with his friends in the hotel and things like the food haha. And today I was playing a game. And then a friend came to talk to me. Before that Mikey, Stacy and Bobbi were talking about clothes with me. Haha, Bobbi is giving us some clothes if I'm not wrong. In our favorite colours... Mikey, Black. Stacy, Blue. And me, Black Grey. Haha, My friend said something... "But well, doesn't it bother you, that like you never get to hug him and him to hold you at all?"... Yeah... Kea is in Japan now... haha With Bobbi and Mitsukake Sempai... Haha... There are so many things, I want you to know. But I can't say it out, not without you here to nudge me on speaking my thoughts. With your loving embrace. Sitting somewhere that belongs to us. Maybe a special place. Just you and me.

Yeah it bothers me.
But what can I do?
I can't do anything.
He has he's freedom too...

2009-06-21T20:36:00.000-07:00

Today's Date: 22/06/09

Topic: Last night's Wedding Dinner.

I heard... I made quite a scene yesterday. After the wedding. I was trying my very best to control myself during the wedding dinner. Because they told me I was drunk. Drunk on red wine and beer. And that I finished the red wines my aunt the bride ordered that she had to get more. Maybe I was half drunk during the dinner. I don't know. But I was trying my best not to bust out laughing half way. I remembered going to the toilet countless of times banging into walls and stumbling and then sitting on the toilet floor in a corner laughing my head off, for no reason. But coming to the end I drank more. The photographer they hired was commenting on how well I could hold my liquor. Because I managed to stay still at the very last few photographs. I don't remember what I was saying... I don't. I fell dead drunk on my bed when I reached home. And this morning I had a huge hang over and fever. And the best part was, I can't remember what I said. Which makes of so much worse, and I don't know why!!! I should have drank more. I should have. I drank the most in the wedding. That's what I heard from them. And that I caused quite a scene leaving my momma to scream at me early in the morning. When I was awoken by a message. I don't want to go to details of what happened. It seems, that bad. Seems to me I have a lot of time to waste on the recent things I'm doing that seems meaningless...

As Promised,
Pictures...

Suan Fong and Suan Huim

Suan Fong and Me! (She's my final product and I'm her final product)

Everything is shiny...

I can see my brooch... Pretty.... And Shiny...

The first photo in the toilet. (With America's next top model, Suan Fong. HAHA) FINITO!

HEAVY DRESS.

Close to dozing off...

Main Family

Adorable Aunt

Took this when I'm drunk, See I can still stand, I'm not drunk yet.

SHE'S SO PRETTY

PRETTY!!!

I just noticed... When has the ring from my third finger jump to my fourth finger?!
(No, I'm Straight, Suan Fong was the glamorous girl in the family along with my momma and the magnificent bride and I was the informal "guy" along with Suan Huim The formal guy. And the skirt-ish girl Francine with classic plain girl dressy Dana. And purplelicious ladaye Suan Wei. )

CREDITS:
Karin Danna
Bobbi
Suan Fong
Kimberly
Aunt (Suan Fong's momma).
(For the assistance in clothes, accessories and location of items.)

Violet is over again, being the usual to come over, She's sleeping now, and my head hurts. And I'm still having a temperature... The wedding was okay, but trust me... Half of the time, I was thinking about you and I won't be surprised if I mentioned you in my stupor...

And lastly, Big brother... Everything is going to be fine... But I can't do anything for you, I'm so useless... And I'm sorry...

2009-06-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

I hate how my family plays around with me, I really do. Some other time? I spent two weeks on it. And they came to tell me, I got replaced. Because why? My papa received a call and never even ask me and just told them "no." I spent two weeks on it. With two of my tuition teachers helping me to check. Danna was one of them. They told me last minute, when I got everything prepared already. Forget it. Plus adding up to another problem. It should have been this way, right? I should have been blamed so much earlier. I should have. It's my fault. I should not have listen to them. I should not. I chose it. So it's my fault. And I want to take the blame. Because it's my fault. Time I settled down and think about the offers I can have. Maybe, it would lessen every ones pain. Like what my papa told me. Just a few days ago. Bits and parts of it. States... 16... Few years. Should I? But it's gonna hurt people. And a lot of others. My best friends, big brother. And most importantly him. I love him so very much. I really do. I remembered the last time I asked him. Suicidal was his answer. No. I'll just, stay with him, by his side. The only thing I ever wanted to do the most.

2009-06-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

Really... Singaporeans can really go out of the hand... Having people scream at you under a block laughing away like drunkards "Chio Bu" and not understanding what it means. And having to ask Kim what it means. It's scary and crazy. And when I'm deep in my thoughts, people come stopping me in my tracks half way and so close to crashing into them. Sigh. I had a busy day today... I had no time to think. I decided to redo a speech for the wedding. and I had classes today. And I was dragged along to help my relatives with their clothes for the wedding dinner. And they did they silly stuff. My momma was screaming at me today. Just because I dressed casually to go to orchard road. I mean... I don't really care. (Jonny is going to say "Since when did you last cared Rain"). Okay. Haha. Yeah... I was talking to Shannen a lot today, She made me smile a lot... For the time... Haha... Big Brother is coming home tomorrow... Finally... I just realized that he's always there for me just that I never notice, And during his Korea trip... I realized he was always there, just that I never took to notice because I always did not want to burden anyone with my problems. Yet he's the one who has always been shouldering most of my burdens without me knowing. And the one with most patience... Like what he said he will be, the Shadow who will always protect me and support me. I love you Big Brother.

Kea, I hope your
Hangovers are not very bad.
Rest more...
One day, I'll be the one who drags you home,
When you are dead drunk and I'll take care of you.
And not other people. But me.
Je T'aime.

2009-06-18T03:47:00.000-07:00

Ever thought how it would feel to have the world turned against you? Completely left moneyless due to extortion from my sister, I'm running out of words because everything seem crystal clear. I ran out of courage to face people. I think my momma is running out if patience. The holidays are a drag. No more thinking space. Because I'm not thinking straight. I'm running out of patience with myself. Either my tears are running out or they have dried up. I don't know. I'm running out of places to go. Because each places brings back memories. Painful ones. Orchard Road, Jurong, Suntec City, Marina Square, Bugis Junction. Some places I would do anything to avoid. I hopped on the train. Sat there. It went all the way north. Took the train that went back. Continued this for quite some time. I was sitting in the train aimlessly... I sat at the very back, or was it front? No one bothered me. Sat there and stoned there. Missed a couple of buses home. Late for a long time. Came home and stoned some more. I'm sorry. It's my fault. I should have just protested to the very end to have the blog not locked, to have you invited in it... I'm sorry. I really am. Sorry. I'm glad you are finally awake. It's good to hear. A relief to finally hear from you again. Je T'aime.

Enough of falling endlessly.
I would rather hit a solid ground.
Then fall endlessly...

2009-06-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

You should not have drank too much. And thinking about it. All the time I've been sleeping, and you've been drinking. It hurts you know. To know that you drank a whole lot. And much more was that I only know about half the items you drank which was already a lot. It hurts to know that you were dead drunk. And till now, you have not awaken since. A total of already a day. Sigh. Don't drink too much. Please. Hearing only half the list of what you drank was already killing me. Seeing you dead drunk too. I'm sorry. Sigh. I'm glad that you only hurled once. And I don't know how bad is your hang over going to be when you wake up... I'm sorry for not being there. I still remember the last time you drank too much... Way too much... I don't want to see you hurt like that again. I don't want to see you in this state. I need to thank Jonny for bringing you home safely... And for taking care of you... Bobbi for telling you something I want to tell you, but just can't get through. And also Jonny for telling you something I want to tell you, the first thing I want you to hear when you get up. Thank you all so very much... I hope you are better when you wake up, Kea. I love you. Je T'aime.

2009-06-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

Someone finally got a response from me. After so much of asking and things. I finally spilled. I talk things out. I don't even know if I said it in order, it I did not care. Actually it was two people. I stopped promptly when I remembered. I should not be saying this. There's always two sides of the story. The outside one, which does not make it look that bad. And the inside one that is killing the people in it. And so, I stopped halfway. Not wanting to say more. Because it's gonna hurt. Not only me but other people. It's okay. I'm fine. Have a good trip to Korea big brother. I'll cheer up, don't worry. For you and everyone. And I've been locking my door. Don't worry. I heard about what you've been doing lately, thanks to Jonny. Be careful, Kea. And have fun.

2009-06-15T20:55:00.002-07:00

As promised. I locked my door at night. It was to make big brother feel at ease that I don't go sleep walking to somewhere dangerous. I don't want him to worry for me his whole trip in Korea. Wei Jie and Joyce will be going with him. Talked to Joyce yesterday. There was a lot of secrets passing about. Haha. While big brother wanted to murder Wei Jie. For telling me that he's a flirt. Hahah. Wei Jie smacked big brother for saying that he was not thinking about his new girlfriend. When actually he was, I think. I'm not Wei Jie, I don't know what is he thinking. Haha. Then later big brother was murdering Wei Jie by tickling him... It looks as gay as how you hear it... Haha. But both are straight. Don't worry. Wished then Bon Voyage at midnight. Locked my door. And continued talking to Jessie and Co. She surprised me by calling me if I was free. Conference with Jessie, Kim, Shaun, Roy and Jordan. And Roy, was being FREAKING MEAN. It took me five minutes to understand what he's trying to get to. He was talking about height. And he said 195cm. And then Jordan was like "Huh?" then Roy was like "Never mind. Inside joke. It's okay." then I thought out loud... "195cm... That Kea's height" then Roy bust out laughing for I finally knew what he was talking about. Kea's height and my height. Then Jessie said something that made me laugh when I told her I wanted to hit Roy so hard "Aiya. Roy so short already still want to make him shorter by hitting him." what a direct insult. I left the conversation first... Due to phone problems... Stoned all the way till 3 am. Then fell asleep... I was thinking a lot... And I wished you were here beside me... I wished everyone was back here. Won't everyone be happy if none of this happened? We could still be as close as before... When will that day come...

2009-06-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

I'm back to square one. I'm crying a whole lot. I'm dying inside out. I'm hurting inside out. Danna is trying to get me off my problems, Yayoi Sempai promised to help me, Hisagi Sempai and Mitsukake Sempai has been telling me it's not my fault, Bobbi has been trying to make me feel better. Danna wants me to stay where I am, but I don't want to. My momma has been complaining how hard her life was after having me, more and more often, and sighing just so loud for me to hear, she wants me out as soon as possible, like I can. God, she's the one who took my money. How am I suppose to get out of here?! Danna is trying to get me on Audition. Kim helped me create my account already. Kim was patient with me crying when I went off yesterday. Victoria has been quiet lately. I'm still filled with guilt. I can't be bothered about my family anymore. The wedding is coming, I decided to throw away the speech and just say it right on the spot during the wedding dinner, my clothes are in the washing, I sleep walked yesterday night, found myself in the kitchen at 3 in the morning. (the last time I slept walk was like last year December, when I was very upset.) I've been studying lately... I want to talk to him but he's not there... He's not... It's been awhile since I last told him I loved him... I'm planning another outing with Jessie and Shawn. Another one with Victoria. And one soon with Yiru. Boy do I miss Yiru... She's having problems too... And I'm talking to her using her private blog... And, each day. Not being able to have the proper conversation we used to have, with all the jokes and laughter we used to share... It's killing me. And every time not being able to tell you I love you properly is eating me up. I want to talk to you. I want to... And I want to spend your coming birthday with you. But can I?...

2009-06-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

I've change. I've notice. The moment I got up, I've became worse. Last night was horrible. Yeah. I'm filled with guilt. And I'm trying to think of ways, that I could get away... Far far away...

2009-06-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

My fault for not making it clear to her that she's not the one at fault... I am... I'm sorry... I'm sorry Stacy, I'm sorry Mikey, I'm sorry Cloe, I'm sorry Yi ting, I'm sorry Kim, I'm sorry Nathan, I'm sorry Shawn, I'm sorry Kea, I'm sorry Big brother, I'm sorry Wan, I'm sorry Meow, I'm sorry Brian. Sorry. It's my fault Tiffany left. I'm sorry to everyone out there that she left because I did not make it clear to her that she's not the problem, I am. I'm sorry. I really am.

Tiffany love,
It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Go back to school. Please? I'm sorry. It's my fault. Remember you promise? Best friends forever. Listen to me, it's not your fault. It's mine. You are important to them. Go back. I'm fine. It's my fault. Not yours. Just go back. Please. You are not keeping the promise we made quite some time back. But it's okay. Just go back.

2009-06-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

It's not my family that's eating me up,
Its not the wedding I'm hosting that is eating me up,
Its not the fact that I'm being picked on that is eating me,
Its not the problems that I'm facing that is eating me up,
Its the fact,
That I had hurt you,
the fact that I had not been able to talk to you for a very long while,
the fact that I want to hear your voice again,
the fact that I want you by my side,
the fact that I want to have more of you,
the fact that I'm afraid once would not be enough,
that is eating me up from the inside.
It feels to me that the pain of being eaten up
is more then the other pains I'm feeling.
I want you.

Big brother is leaving for Korea next week. As promised, I would have another long hard to hard talk with him, when he comes back from Korea. Yeah. I've been spacing a lot. Haha. Sigh. I asked my brother if my feelings were that important, and he said that even if it does not mean anything to me, it meant the whole world to him. Everyone is trying I make my happy. I should be. Right? I mean I have too... Because they have been trying a lot to cheer me up. I should be happy... I have to... If not it won't be fair to them... Yeah. I should.

2009-06-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

I don't get you, you know. I really don't. I know. The main point was that you wanted me to get kicked out of the house again. I know. I'm the problem in the family, the problem in the whole household. The one that prevented it to be perfection. I know, I understand. But what I don't know is, why is it that you are trying to make my life worse then it is. You know that you are already the apple in the family, the bright star in the house hold. What more do you want? What more can you do to drive me away? You know that our parents have always taken sides, always your side. Never mine. Even though before hand they had never show me what a family truly is. Even though you already had both their attention. And you still want more? I never even ask you to take responsibility when you were the one who spilled ink inside my bag, even though my items turned out stained. I never even ask you to pay up when you were the one dropping my phone making it spoilt, and even so, I'm still using it. When you ransacked my room with your friends, I said nothing. When you messed my whole room up, I kept quiet. When you lose my things, what else is there that I can say? I get scolded for the most ridiculous reasons. Like how I got converse shoes. And you got them two days later and momma came up and blamed me for not getting in the same day with you because if she did, she could have discounts. How do I know that there will be a discount? And even so, momma won't get me the shoes. Getting blamed for not taking care of you when I was actually being held up by you, because you were afraid of being alone, and I had to watch you the whole night. You smack the new book you just got right in front of my face, what do you expect me to react? I kept quiet. You got another phone again today. What can I say? It's your third one. Even though mine is spoilt thanks to you, I never said a word. You have everything you want. What can I do? Nothing. You've been calling me ugly since you knew what the word meant. You've been laughing at my health condition, just so you are healthy. You've been pushing every blame on me, ever since you knew how to. You've been wanting to have more, when you knew you always had what you want and I have none. You've been trying to drive me away, but don't worry. I will go myself, when the chance comes. Just so to stay out of your life, just so that I would no more be the problem in the family, just so to make the household perfect. Because it's the only thing I can do.

On a slight note.
You said you only just want one,
Ever thought I want more?
Because I do.
And I want you.

2009-06-10T05:43:00.000-07:00

Jonny, you said all problems come to an end, right? What if. It does not? What will you do?

Give up on me. I'm starting to really badly want to just let everything go by. Leave me here. I'll be okay. When it hurts so bad. I wondered why I did not lose today's match. And I still got it going. Because if I lost. Then there would be punishments. Then I would be punished. Would it be any more ideal then that? And yet being whacked by a racket, also another punishment. Swollen again. Where's it. It's time I fell and hit a solid ground. And not fall endlessly.

2009-06-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

World's Biggest Idiot Found In Singapore.

I let him slipped through my petite hands again... It feels like being stab like always. I don't know. Must have hurt him, by a lot. I'm so sorry... Sigh... Jonny talked to me after he left... Actually he was the one who got Kea to talk to me... And it did not last for 5 minutes and he got out by the window of the house, I am an idiot. I don't know. My brain ain't working. Sigh... Sorry. I've joined blogs with Violet recently. And I was honoured. Haha. That's all.

Sorry. I'm so Sorry.
It meant a lot.
When you told me.
"Happy 2nd Month Darling"
You will always be wanted by me.

2009-06-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

"Hey, I found the answer."
"What is it?"
"My feelings. I'm dying inside out."

Hurts so bad. And I'm not talking it out to anyone. I will not talk it out. I won't and I will not. Sometimes, the option of giving up is so tempting. I'm just so tired already. Why. I ask. Stupid question. No ones telling me anything. Neither am I. Vice versa. And there's another thought that tells me, hang in there. It's just one and a half more years to go. Yeah. And at the corner of my room lies something I have not been using for quite some time. It's starting to become confusion again. Mm... Nothing much to blog... I don't feel like blogging... My mind is blank again. Aha...

Sometimes I feel like I should run away
again.
Or I just disappear...

2009-06-08T04:11:00.000-07:00

"How do you feel?"
"I don't know big brother, I don't..."

Kinda saddening when you don't have any idea how to answer a question your brother is asking you. Especially when he's one of the two, who actually has hard to hard talks with you. Yeah. And then what you say speaks the truth. Because you have no idea what you are feeling now. Grown more quieter, and you just can't bother about your feelings. Because they were never important in the first place. Korean drama must be more important then me, eh? Hahahas. I guess. Parents were screaming at me yesterday. Haha. More of my momma, my papa was okay with it. Because I spent quite a sum of money. Well, I'm sorry. Haha. But the clothes I got were awesome. Haha. Yeah. I'm locking myself indoors these days. I even wanted to throw all my devices out. Haha!!! Could not be bothered anymore. Kim thinks that it's not that simple. She keeps telling me, that what ever we do always has a reason. Haha. A friend thinks I'm smiling for the sake of others. And a family friend thinks that I need some time off. Haha. People! I'm fine! God. And I am made to drink some thing, clear away all the dead blood cells. It's gotta hurt. Haha. Big brother told me that one day, when he becomes independent. He will get me out of the family which I'm currently living under the same roof with. The only person who showered me with lots and lots of family love. And I trust him. I'll be waiting. Haha. Currently dying if boredom. I'm food less again. Haha. Thank god I ate this afternoon, due to Kim, who forced me to eat. And I'm currently very grateful for that. There were lots of conflicts today. I'm fine, don't worry. Haha. Hey... I still have one macaroon from yesterday! Haha. I can eat that. Haha. I've realized that I had not been taking photos of myself recently, no? Don't worry. I will, soon. Maybe at Kim's party, and definately at the wedding. And I wish you a safe flight back, Kea. Je T'aime.

We shall end this,
at where it started in the first place,
End it where it all started out.

2009-06-07T04:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Second Month.

I'm happy, no? If not there won't be a "Happy" in it, yeah. I've done all the shopping I need. And I'm thinking of you again. Just that green eyes and that perfect playful smile of yours, makes my day. I'm munching away on chocolate macaroons, while blogging. Haha. I need to thank Kim for helping me name the bits and parts of the songs Kea loves. I bet my words won't really come out right. So, I'll use all this lyrics... From all your favrouite songs, Kea.

Confided in me was your heart.
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me.

-Unholy Confessions

I will suffer for so long
(What will you do, not long enough)
To make it up to you
(I pray to God that you do)
I'll do whatever you want me to do
(Well then I’ll grant you a chance)
And if it's not enough
(If it’s not enough, If it’s not enough)
If it's not enough
(Not enough)
Try again
(Try again)
And again
(And again)
Over and over again
(Over and over again)

-A Little Piece of Heaven

It's Sorrow That feeds your lies
-Burn it Down

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?
Woooaaah, so I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see
I beg don't leave me

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day [x2 then continues in the background]
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home

-Seize the day

Be quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like me motherfucker, you've been at it for too long
While you feed off others' insecurity
You stand in front of me and bite the hand that feeds

(Self-righteousness is wearing thin)
Lies inside your head your best friend
(Heart bleeds but not for fellow man)
Broken glass, your fake reflection

I've had enough its time for something real
I don't Respect the words you're speaking
gone too far, a clone

So how does it feel to know that someones kid in the heart of America
Has blood on their hands, fighting to defend your rights
So you can maintain the lifestyle that insults this family's existence
Well, where I'm from we have a special salute we aim high in the air
Towards all those pompous assholes who spend their days pointing fingers

Fuck you

shh...Be quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like the heartbeat of this country when antagonized too long
I'll be damned if you count me in
As part of your generous hypocrisy collecting enemys
(Tabloid gossip queen, worthless man)
There's no need for us to bury you
(Selfish agenda, once again)
Right this way, you've dug your own grave

I've had enough its time for something real
I don't Respect the words you're speaking
gone too far, a clone

All the way from the east to the west
We've got this high society looking down on this very foundation
Constantly reminding us that our actions are the cause of all their problems
Pointing the fingers in every direction
Blaming their own nation for who wins elections
They've never contributed a fucking thing to the country they love to criticize

Excuse the obscene, ignore the untrue
Depictions we see, try and get through
Admitting mistakes can hurt
I'm not the last but I sure ain't the first

Solo

Shh... Be quiet, you might piss somebody off

(Self-righteousness is wearing thin)
Lies inside your head your best friend
(Heart bleeds but not for fellow man)
Broken glass, your fake reflection

I've had enough its time for something real
I don't Respect the words you're speaking
gone too far, a clone

-Critical Acclaim

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide. And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you

-Warmness on the soul

That Playful Smile that plays on your Perfect lips;

if only I could touch the edges
of your perfect lips;
only mine to do so.

2009-06-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

I'm up early eh? Haha I can't sleep, and well I slept at one in the morning woke up 5 in the morning. I can't sleep. Yeah. I shall blog later on, after my shopping trip. My cousin will he over later to swim. Plus I'm going out. So I won't give her any Chiniese homework. Due to the fact it's the school holiday and the exams is just over. Even though its the seventh of June now, my blog still states the sixth of June. Haha, so I'll blog later about my day. I've got nothing better to do... I shall stone in the dark. See the sunrise. Then go to bed.

If only...
you were here with me.
I've been losing lots of iron these days,
yet I allow myself to let it flow.

2009-06-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've been chosen to be the Emcee of my uncles wedding... And well... Yeah... They will be getting a guy to pair up with me... I'll be saying the English version. And I heard... They will be pairing me up, with someone twice my age... Yeah... I'll be going for shopping tomorrow, yeah. For the wedding. Everyone is getting two sets, but I'm getting one set of clothes only. My phone has been getting from bad to worse... It kept shutting itself off for like 15 times today and it's been lagging a lot. Everyone is getting ready for the wedding. I need to get the speech ready... It's okay. I'll just be the scape goat again. I guess, I'll find a way to get you out. And well, we will see how this turns out, court case or not... I'm missing out the ring and brooch for accessories for the wedding. Seems to me that my grandmothers condition is not really stable. My god mothers back, ain't that well. Yeah. I've always look forward to the first week of the month. The seventh day of the start of the month, some how. Today, I was deep in my thoughts. And I heard this voice, it's not going to change a thing. Don't think about things that are quite impossible. Yeah. It's been a lot quieter already. And I don't know what to expect for tomorrow. Don't even know what will happen, will I be online tomorrow? I'm not sure. I'm not sure, even if he will be online tomorrow. To get through half the day, I will be going to jurong point. It's far away. But it will get me through half the day... I'll see... Sigh. Pairing up with someone twice my age. Hm... Yeah. I don't know what to expect anymore... I don't ask much. Do I? All I ever wanted... It's just a basic want.

It seems to be snowing...
Everywhere I go now, seems to be raining.
Every thing I touch, seems to have made a cut,
every moment some one looks at me
seem to read my thoughts.
The train station is bright
But a cloud hangs over the vast sky,
the songs being played on an instrument
by someone for me
seems like being stab in the heart.
Every text messages from others
leave me to lose hope.
Every thing I do, seems to be related to you,
every sentence I say, draws me to think of you.
Even now, I'm thinking, what are you doing.
The snow that falls, melts before it touches the ground.
The rain I walk through,
Always have some other person to shelter me using an umbrella,
the cuts I get, heals, but leaves a mark.
The people who looks at me, always tells me that it's okay,
the train station that shines, always has a dark corner.
The cloud that hangs over the sky,
was always blown away by some other person.
The music I hear, don't mean a word when
Its not being played by you.
The text messages read by me all were people checking on me.
The things I do, has it's purpose.
It was to draw me closer to you.
The sentences I say
were meant for you.
The thoughts that I think
was for you to know.
That you are something, and you are worth something.
And you always will be.

2009-06-05T04:28:00.000-07:00

It's saddening to see rain drops fall from everywhere. And when I reach out for you but you're not there, so I stood waiting in the dark even though I know you won't come back, and looking at an empty photo frame that used to be a picture of you in it, every night, with your picture in my head. Telling me a story of a broken heart. So please, stay with me, hold me close. Because I can't be without you and I don't want to know what it's like without you. Because I've already built my world around you. I'm trying and hoping for the day, when one touch is enough, to take the pain away. Because I searched for so long, the answer was clear. And no you and I is like no stars to light the sky above. You've been telling me so many times, how much you love me. I trust you. It's okay that you have not been proving or showing. I know that you mean what you say...

Lots of thanks for those who have been spending their time with me. Credits go to Victoria, Shannen, Danna and Kim. Your wonderful letters which really cheered me up, Yayoi Sempai, Hisagi Sempai and Mitsukake Sempai. Yeah...

Why is it, that every time I'm alone
I start to think of you.
And when ever I think of you,
There is always a bitter sweet feeling
it's rare to see you smile...
You always have that serious face or that childish face of yours
in every single photo of you,
and maybe once in awhile
That perfect playful smile plays on your lips
My favorite smile that I love to see from you.
Every time, I see happy faces
I start to wonder, what makes them happy,
words from others, isn't as important as yours
some how, every time I need you.
You seem out of my reach,
and when I fall back, it's always another person there,
and when I'm breaking, it's you I see but others with me.
Why is it, that I hear the songs
that others play, when I would only want
You to be the one, that plays for me.
I can just imagine you.
Strumming your guitar, singing the songs you love,
or drumming on the drums, to the songs
you took so long to learn.
I can just imagine you,
sitting on the desk,
doing the maths you enjoy the most
and as I slowly fall asleep watching you do it.
That smile I would have seen,
if I have not fell asleep.
Why am I the one who others would think about first
When something happened to them?
I'm not important to them. I think.
So why am I always the one being thought about?
They tell me things,
Tried to call me.
but, it seldom get through.
but they have been so... Understanding...
they never did mind.
But then again.
I never once,
thought about someone else
as much as I think of you.
I never doubted you.
When you told me how much you love me, or Je' taime.
Because, I love you as to so
I Trust You.

2009-06-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

Everything seems so right, when I'm with you
Yet, sometimes it feels wrong. Somehow.
But everything goes wrong when I'm not with you.
And here I am.
Watching everything go wrong.
Holding on to things,
memories and stuff
keeping myself busy.
Living in Denial...
Save me... Please.

"When will it be your turn?"
"For?"
"When I can see you truly smile again..." and I replied to my friend. Not at the moment.

Denial. It's saddening to feel like just letting everything go by and giving up. Not being able to pay attention to your surroundings at all. Or what so ever the lecturer is trying to teach. The laughter you here in the school corridors seem so. Perfect. Yet, you just feel alone. Even with friends around you, you feel like being left alone. Because, you know somethings wrong. Yet, you don't want to know. It's quite saddening to only remember your sadness only when seeing your friends sad. Because you know that you have been pushing everything that is troubling you at the back of your mind. Friends are more important. It's always been that way for you. And you don't want to feel the sadness. So you leave yourself dangling and save your friend. And yet you try your best to hide all the sadness, when you know others will ask "are you okay?" and then you lie, saying you are. And being ask by your brother "what are your feelings?" and you tell him that you don't know. Because frankly speaking, you don't know the answer. It's saddening, when you just think about it. Regretting many things. Even sadder when some one ask you "Whats wrong?" and you tell them, everything is. And the person ask you what? And you slowly tell her, being very careful not to mention that very name that just hurts to hear. Being very careful to mention everyone's name and problems, and not that particular name and your own problems. Even when she prompts, you sway the subject. And later when she's distracted, start hurting all over again. And when they all gone. You silently cry. It hurts, so badly. Like holding a rose, with lots of thorns, yet you don't want to let go of that rose... Neither do you want the rose to ever leave you... The greatest present would be the rose itself...

2009-06-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to take action. I should have earlier. It would save her the pain. Don't you think? She's hurting a lot. I'm sorry, I'll start now.

4 more day's.
Time passes so slowly,
Don't you think?

2009-06-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To

Kim!

Happy Birthday To

Jonny!

I'm so afraid... I am... Five minutes I stepped in to my room... I dash to the toilet, the sink was in a mess... I threw myself in the shower... It was so messy... I'm so scared... I cried... I hid at one corner... What if... Your life was a time bomb... What will you do? I'm so afraid... Why can't I get used to it? It's been happening since I was a kid. I should get use to it, right? But why am I still so afraid... And sometimes I ask. Why me. And then the coughing comes... Yeah... Yeah... A friend told me. Hey, you are gonna be fine. It's okay... I hope so... I still have great ambitions... I'll stop here. Everything is going wrong, and it's unusually quiet. Why is that so? I'm getting so lost again, running away won't help. I just know it, because if it did. I would have gotten myself all the way at the other end of the world already. But I won't, not for the time being.

I'll hide it, somehow.
I love you Kea.

Funny Truths

School Mates: Is this Kea guy real? Rain's Boyfriend.
Karin Danna: If he is or he's not, you don't have to know. Because you guys will never get to talk to him. So it's none of your business. Right?
School Mates: -silence-
Karin Danna: Guess so. *walks away*

2009-06-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

Uncle Tommy always has his way to cheer me up. For those who don't know him, he's our family's optician and family friend. I was getting my stuff made there today, and so is aunt Lynn and her newly we'd husband who I forgot his name... All of them are optician's haha. Uncle Tiger Woods (Initials are T.W. Therefore I pet named him) ain't there today. Spent quite a bomb there today. And uncle Tommy was telling me about fishing and later coffee, and he was saying if I spent about $220 plus I could get free Starbucks coffee, the wild berry one. And I needed to spent like $62 more dollars. But then took a receipt and just scribbled down I spent $220. So therefore free coffee. And it was really nice!!! I'm in coffee heaven... Haha!!! My wallet is in school, so therefore I can't spent money. Because all my money is in school and it's on my wallet. School decided to keep our wallets thats why. Nothing much. One more day, six more days, eighteen more days, and one month one day.

2009-05-31T22:20:00.000-07:00

Colourful Count Downs

Count down 2 more days.
Count down 7 more days.
Count down 19 more days.
Count down one more month and 2 days.